W&D (1)

Wry & Dry #15-25 Welcome to country. Vote buying. Mercenaries’ reward.

Wry & Dry: a cynical and irreverent review of the week in politics, economics and life. For intelligent Readers who disdain the trivial.

But first, a snapshot of this week’s Investment Matters:

  • Housing: problems & government solutions; really?
  • Banks making sense, well, two of them

To read Investment Matters, just click on the link at the bottom of this week’s Wry & Dry. Or here.

1. Welcome to country

In probably her only success since giving herself the DCM from the Greens, Victorian Senator Lidia Thorpe, introduced an exciting new Welcome to Country as she greeted King Charles III in Parliament House. All her own work.

Using words full of clarity but delightfully innovative, she cleverly juxtaposed her profound knowledge of British history and constitutional law with His Majesty’s travel schedule. Moreover, she brilliantly used the F Bomb to add emphasis to her routine.

The success of her Welcome to Country was shown by her in-person presentation to His Majesty making headlines globally. And it surpassed Australia’s brilliant breakdancing entrant in the Paris Olympics, the self-effacing Rachael Gunn (aka Raygun), for presenting the best of Australia to the world.

It goes without saying that there is no doubt that the Senator’s version of Welcome to Country will add immeasurably to the cause of Indigenous peoples.

Wry & Dry is waiting to see if Qantas introduces Senator Thorpe’s version of Welcome to Country as its landing announcement.

2. What rewards for North Korea’s troops?

Wry & Dry last week revealed that some of North Korea’s troops would soon be fighting for Russia, in Ukraine. This has now been confirmed this afternoon by Tsar Vlad himself. It is extraordinary.

Not so much for telling a story of the sorry state of Tsar Vlad’s military capability. But more of Kim Jong-Un wanting to send his troops to the meat-grinder that is Ukraine.

In view of (a) Tsar Vlad’s gift of technology and R&D to North Korea; (b) North Korea not having a common cause with Tsar Vlad over Ukraine; and (c) Tsar Vlad’s proclivity for dolling out dosh to causes to assist his policies (see earlier), it is clear that the North Korean troops are mercenaries.1

And their reward? These North Korean soldiers are not like radical Islamist fighters, the reward for their cause is apparently martyrdom and 72 virgins in heaven2, 3. Some might suggest this compares favourably to the Christian idea of angels with harps. But for the North Korean soldiers who get the Ukrainian DCM, there will be neither virgins nor harps.

And Kim Jong-Un will get Tsar Vlad’s cash.

1 The Geneva Conventions declare that mercenaries are not recognised as legitimate combatants and do not have to be granted the same legal protections as captured service personnel of the armed forces. Wry & Dry guesses that the North Korean mercenaries haven’t been told this. 

2 A populous and rather prosaic interpretation of a blend of the Quran: An-Naba 78:31-34 (“Indeed, the righteous will have salvation, gardens, vineyards, and full-bosomed maidens of equal age”), and the Hadith number 2,562 (which refers to 72 wives; as well as 80,000 servants). 

3 Wry & Dry is moved to ask what reward do female martyrs get?

3. What price for your vote?

It is no surprise to Readers that the Trumpster’s acolyte Elon Musk is giving $1m per day until the election to a random voter in a so-called swing state who signs a petition supporting the first4 and second5 amendments to the US constitution.

Of course, Musk’s scheme is illegal. But in the US, what is called legal is in the eyes of he/ she who pays the piper.

But Musk’s millions are dwarfed by the dosh that Tsar Vlad poured in Moldova in a failed attempt to stop the process of that country joining the EU. Some $100m was delivered, or attempted to be delivered, mostly in cash and some directly into Moldovanian’s bank accounts.

More than a hundred passengers landing at the country’s main airport have been arrested for trying to smuggle bags of cash. And voters exiting the polling booths were heard to ask “Now, where is my money?”

Tsar Vlad’s ploy lost, narrowly: 50.5%/49.5%. There will be gnashing of teeth in the Kremlin.

Y’see, Moldova is strategically important, notwithstanding its size and poverty.6 It is landlocked, with Ukraine to its north, east and south and Romania to its west.

Tsar Vlad has been trying to infiltrate its organs of government, as he did in Ukraine and is trying to do in Georgia. In February Sergey Lavrov, Putin’s foreign minister, described Moldova as “the next Ukraine.”

Moldova has survived a failed Kremlin-backed coup and Russian energy blackmail, while facing a stream of disinformation aimed at fomenting discord.

Doubtless, the Trumpster, if he knew where Moldova was, would support Tsar Vlad’s attempted political annexation.

4 Essentially, freedom of speech.

5 Essentially, the right to keep and bear arms.

6 Moldova has a population of 2.4m and is about half the size of Tasmania. It is the second poorest country in Europe by GDP per capita, after Ukraine.

4. Sex and money

Round up the usual suspects. In the case of two large Australian companies this week, the usual suspects were sex and money.

Consider that the founder and CEO of mining giant Mineral Resources admitted last weekend that he once was a tax cheat. He has made reparations with the ATO. So that’s that, isn’t it?

Err, no. The CEO and other executives allegedly were involved in a scheme that resulted in money flowing out from the company’s coffers to them via entities in the British Virgin Islands. 

Just when did the board find out? But for an article in the Financial Review, would the matter have lain undisturbed, as it has been for 14 years? ASIC has declined to comment. What that space.

But the prudes at ASIC will probably keep clear of WiseTech Global, where the founder and CEO’s salacious personal life has been scattered across the normally mundane pages of the financial press. And even overflowed to the broadsheets. It seems that a weird variant on the old ‘cash-for-comment’7 has emerged: sex-for-business-advice.

And more: a court battle over a $13m mansion he allegedly purchased for another girlfriend.

And yesterday he was accused by accused of intimidation, bullying and overseeing poor corporate governance by one of the country’s leading directors, as she quit the software giant’s board.

Late yesterday the Founder and CEO was given the DCM by his board and himself (he owns about 30% of the company). He will, of course, stay on as a consultant. For 10 years. For a fee of $1m p.a. Of course.

Nice work, if you can get it.

7 The ‘cash-for-comment’ affair was a 1999 scandal concerning paid advertising on radio that was presented to sound like editorial commentary. John Laws, a shock jock radio presenter for Sydney talk back, was accused of misusing his authority as an announcer. The radio station was fined $360,000 for improper conduct. Laws will retire in early November, after 71 years in radio.

5. Just when it was thought to be safe…

The lobster exports were back. Australian wine was being shipped. Relationship with Emperor Eleven’s Empire had almost returned to an even keel. This after Sino-Australian friendship went Chinese white pear-shaped when Miracle Morrison’s foot found its way into his mouth about who or what was to blame for covid.

And then…  this week Australia’s U.N. Ambassador James Larsen told the U.N. General Assembly’s human rights committee that Australia, on behalf of its partners, had urged Beijing to implement all the recommendations made by a U.N. report.

That report was about human rights abuses in Xinjiang, home to most of China’s Muslim Uyghur population.

Ambassador Larsen’s statement was supported by, in no particular order, Canada, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Iceland, Japan, Lithuania, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Sweden, United Kingdom, and the United States of America. A weighty list, indeed.

But that weight didn’t matter. Emperor Eleven has a glass jaw. Thus came his wooshka, via his foreign ministry spokesman:

“Australia, long plagued by systemic racism and hate crimes, have severely violated the rights of refugees and immigrants, and left Indigenous people with vulnerable living conditions. Australian soldiers have committed abhorrent crimes in Afghanistan and other countries during their military operations overseas.” Etcetera, etcetera,

Very nasty. Wait for the embargo on [insert your Australian export here].

6. What could possibly go wrong?

The UK Labour Party, recently voted into office, has continued to forget that it is in government. And government is about being adult.

So, what rocket surgeon decided to send 100 Labour activists to the US to campaign for Kamala Kamala in key ‘swing states’. And tell the world in a LinkedIn post.

And why did Sir Kier Starmer’s chief of staff and his director of strategy meet with her campaign team in such a public event as the Democrat convention?

Any polar bear knows that the Trumpster is a hater without parallel in history. And if he again gets the keys to the White House, the UK’s relationship with the US will be as cold as the noses on those same polar bears.

To further mix the metaphor, the photo op won’t be of chips being fried at McDonalds by the Trumpster. It will be of the UK’s ambassador to Washington being lowered by the Trumpster into the fryer of bubbling oil. 

7. To what country do graduates wish to go?

The Economist magazine often publishes arcane but easily presented data. A chart in one of this week’s editions caught Wry & Dry’s rheumy eye. It’s an update.

It shows to which country graduates would wish to emigrate, charted over time. The top five countries, essentially, remain unchanged.

There is merit in also looking closely at the change for some key countries. The Economist has helpfully highlighted the UK’s fall and Portugal’s rise. But Readers might also note the rise of Armenia (graduates from Russia?); and the falls of Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and UAE (hmm?).

8. Sponsorship

The vital news is that Chanel, apparently a manufacturer and distributor of expensive fragrances, is now the sponsor of the Oxford-Cambridge boat race. The race will now be known as The Chanel J12 Boat Race.

J12 is a timepiece, it seems, not a fragrance. Whatever happened to Chanel No 5, Wry & Dry is moved to ask?

The boat race in question is in fact an annual rowing event between students of universities located in each of the towns of Oxford and Cambridge.  It is raced over 6.4373 kilometres (i.e. four miles) on the River Thames. The first race was held in 1829, when George IV was on the throne.8

In the 2024 race, rowers were told not to enter the river because of high levels of E. coli. The bug surfaced from upstream sewage overflows.

The appointment of Chanel is clearly an attempt by the race officials to use its sponsor’s product to eliminate the reputation of the race being undertaken in malodourous river.

Good luck with your projects.

8 George IV’s father, George III was the king in whose name, but not on whose instruction, James Cook was ordered to seek ‘a Continent or Land of great extent’ and to take possession of that country ‘in the Name of the King of Great Britain.’ Lieutenant Cook (not Captain, he was not made a captain until 1775) indeed found a land of great extent in 1770.

9. Spot the outlier

Snippets from all over

1. US home sales off a cliff

Sales of existing homes in the U.S. are on track for the worst year since 1995. (Wall Street Journal)

Wry & Dry comments: high home prices and high mortgage rates are blamed. So is Sleepy Joe.

2.  Boeing’s huge loss  

Boeing reported a $6bn quarterly loss and said it would continue to bleed cash as new chief executive Kelly Ortberg warned the plane maker must overhaul its culture to end a multiyear crisis that has shaken the confidence of customers and investors. (Financial Times)

Wry & Dry comments: Boeing is too big to fail. But its shareholders will have to chip in to reduce debt and fund working capital until its massive order backlog starts bringing in cash.  

3. Abercrombie & Fitch’s problem

Mike Jeffries, the former CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch, a fashion retailer, was arrested in Florida and charged with running a sex-trafficking operation. (The Times)

Wry & Dry comments: The eighty-year-old could face what would be the rest of his life in the slammer.  

4.  Harrods sexual abuse claims

Harrods has said more than 250 people are part of its process to settle compensation claims over alleged historic sexual misconduct by Mohamed Al Fayed. (UK Telegraph)

Wry & Dry comments: Al Fayed died in 2023, aged 94. London police decided not to proceed with investigating allegations of rape and sexual assault between 2005 and 2023.     

5. Himalayan peace… for now

China and India reached an agreement on patrolling along their disputed Himalayan border. (Economist)

Wry & Dry comments:  The deal will resolve a conflict that erupted in 2020, when a series of clashes killed at least 20 Indian troops and four Chinese ones.

It figures

  1. $2,740: gold – a record high, up 40% over the past year
  2. 0.25%: China – People’s Bank of China cut key interest rates, to boost the economy

And to soothe your troubled mind…

“Trump had recently spoken of his aspiration to do everything he could to end the conflict in Ukraine. It seems to me that he said this sincerely. And we, of course, welcome statements of this kind.”

Wry & Dry comments: A sweet, Captain Obvious comment. The Trumpster will sell Ukraine down the river, which Tsar Vlad will, of course, welcome.

The comments in Wry & Dry do not necessarily reflect those of First Samuel, its Directors or Associates.

Cheers!

Read this week’s edition of Investment Matters.

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